Signs of an Insecure Teenager Every Parent Should Know

If you think back to when you were a teen you can probably remember going through puberty, developing acne, social pressure and school stress as some of the “highlights” of your teen years.

Insecurity in teens can be pretty normal as this developmental stage comes with lots of new changes both physically and mentally. The pressure to fit in, fear of feeling different, and exploring their place in the world can all be factors that cause teens to feel insecure.

While normal levels of insecurity are typical for teens, high levels of insecurity could lead to mental health (MH) problems such as anxiety or depression.

Teenage Insecurities: A Dive Into Their Context

Teens are at a difficult development stage with rapid changes happening in their body and emotions. They also may lack the communication skills to express this discomfort.

This sensitive period is where they begin to explore their cultural, sexual and gender identities. This paired with an influx of hormones and pressure to fit in, can lead teens to feel insecure about their choices and decisions about who they are.

The Root of Today’s Teen Insecurity issue

Although teenage insecurity has always been a part of life for this age group, current teens face new pressures with the influence of social media and technology. Social media is like an instant form of validation. Many teens today measure their worth on the amount of likes they receive, positive comments from others or number of followers they have.

Social media has also opened the doors for teens to post snapshots of their life, usually the most glamorous sides. This can confuse teens who do not understand the whole context. For example, teens may compare themselves to Instagram influencers but fail to realize posts are edited and extremely tailored to only share a small piece of a story.

Constantly comparing themselves to others is already a pretty common trait among teens who are trying to find their place in the world. This issue has only been heightened with social media.

Signs of an Insecure Teenager

As parents, it’s helpful to recognize the signs your teenager is struggling from insecurity. Sometimes teens may express this clearly with comments like “I’m so ugly” or “I feel so fat”.

Other times insecurities stay hidden, and are difficult for teens to talk about with parents or adults. Recognizing the signs of insecurity in teens is important to prevent the problem from turning into  low self-esteem or development of a MH problem.

• Anxiety
• Avoiding eye contact
• Unhealthy perfectionism
• Isolation and social withdrawal
• Sleep disturbances
• Depression
• Substance abuse 
• Constant self-doubt (need for reassurance)
• Nail biting or skin picking
• Hyper focus on their appearance
• Getting involved or staying in abusive relationships

What Can We Do For Them?

While it is important for parents to be mindful of the signs of insecurity in their teenagers, the fault is not solely on them.  Educators, health professionals and the media can all make small changes to help with teenage insecurity.

Having more open conversations about the struggles of teenagers can help them feel less alone. Influencers on social media and TV shows depicting teens can be more mindful about the content they produce and how it will impact the perspectives of youth.

Teens who struggle with high levels of insecurity often feel alone in their battle. Adults need to take the first step in promoting open conversations around how feeling insecure is a normal part of life, and there is nothing wrong with being different.

Tools for Parents

While we attack the larger issue of insecurity in teens as a society, it’s normal for parents to want to help their teens feel their best, especially in the safety of their own home. Some tools for parents include:

• Empathize with your teen. Think back to when you were their age and tell them about your own insecurities, this can make them feel less alone
• Actively listen to the struggles of your teen, sometimes a non-judgemental ear can go a long way
• Teach them to embrace or add humor to their insecurities. Adults struggle with insecurities too, but taking them less seriously can teach teens that nobody is perfect and that our flaws is also what gives us our uniqueness
• Build and promote healthy routines for your teen to follow which can help with feelings of security and safety
• Encourage healthy risks and independence to build confidence in your teen (making a phone call on their own, ordering their own food)
• Speak positively about them and also about yourself. By modeling positive self-talk teens are more likely to embody this
• Teach them to distinguish between social media and reality

Helping An Insecure Teenager

In severe cases, unresolved insecurity can lead to a number of MH conditions such as depression, anxiety or substance abuse. If you feel your teen is showing extreme signs of insecurity, reach out to a therapist or counselor.

A number of treatments that can help insecure teens may include:

• Cognitive behavioral therapy to help identify negative thoughts and feelings they have about themselves and set realistic goals
• Group therapy to connect with other teens who are struggling with the same problems. This can decrease feelings of loneliness or feeling “weird or different”
• Self-management tools may be taught in therapy sessions to help boost self esteem. This could include positive affirmations, exploring their talents, journaling or meditation

Whatever the solution you consider for your teen, consider the needs of your teen and, most importantly, keep an eye on all the signs your teen gives you. The best medicine is the one that is given on time.

Sources

• Teens and social media use: What’s the impact?. Mayo Clinic.
• Sleep in Middle and High School Students. 2020. Center for Disease Control.
• Fiorilli, C. 2019. Predicting Adolescent Depression: The Interrelated Roles of Self-Esteem and Interpersonal Stressors. Frontiers in psychology, 10, 565.